A week ago, I was object to men's belief that a woman's space and time belong to them completely, and learned that, not only do they take silence as a 'yes', but how they force you into that silence. Though rather than taking silence as a confirmation, they simply don't care about what you think. They ask to look good, not to hear your opinion.

 

The first move is shocking you. Whether it's by showing up uninvited, by completely changing the topic of conversation (and he was probably just being nice, too). He disturbs your nervous system and that clouds your judgment. Then, with a smile on his face probably, he'll keep talking and talking and talking. About a million things. Sometimes, he might ask your input just to trick your brain into believing you're participating — and you could be, if only you aren't swept away by his aggressive behavior. Because yes, this is a form of violence. No fists need to be involved. Don't let any man tell you misogyny is limited to be the most extreme manifestations of their hatred for women.

 

If he's a skilled manipulator, he'll keep shocking you by telling you things you'd never expect, or that profoundly confuse you. At that point, you have so many things in your mind, he's keeping you from noticing his invasion. That's when he'll strike you with the big question/proposal he came to say. It's sad that, in my case, I felt proud of myself for not saying yes — but I also didn't say anything. My mind was focused on one topic he mentioned, that made absolutely no sense at all, so I was trying to make sense of it. It wasn't until I was going to sleep that it clicked, and the rage I felt made me tremble. And so, I've been paralyzed, unable to keep working on the ad campaign for my book because I keep expecting him to show up again.

 

Which he did. He showed up yesterday. Once again, he forced his way into 'my' room. There's a long story that explain the quotations around 'my' that I won't share right now. I was already so pissed because he chose the ONLY moment I gave myself to play, and it was an online videogame. I was in a competitive match, my first competitive match in at least three months, so it angered me greatly. Anyway, he yelled 'HELLO [name]' trying so hard to sound nice, but I only said 'hi' with a NORMAL tone of voice. We weren't even 3 meters apart, no need to harm my ears and throat.

 

It's depressing to witness men acting kind only when they believe there's something in it for them, or when they want to manipulate you. It proves they know how to do it, they just withhold basic empathy until they want to insert themselves into someone's life. They believe to their core that everything is hierarchical, which is why they turn every interaction into a transaction: they have to put themselves above you, or take what they want.

 

I'll allow myself to get a little more personal here, because I genuinely am so proud of myself for this. I've noticed that I don't fake around men anymore. I still coddle them, for they are violent and irrational, but I don't fake interest. I don't know how I ended up like this, but the first time I noticed was playing that same videogame, exactly two years ago. A disgusting male sent me a group and friend invitation simply because my profile made evident I'm a woman. I felt compelled to accept, only to witness him chatting more than actually playing — and yes, these were competitive matches. We lost every match because he just wouldn't play, he just kept showing off his fetish on my chat, even going as far as putting into question whether I'm actually a woman (typical male behavior) and trying to initiate sex talk. He believed me when I joked about having 7 partners, one for each day of the week. Stupidity's mecca.

Why am I sharing this? Because at one point, he said 'you can ask me anything, by the way'. That's when it clicked: I wasn't forcing myself to have a conversation with him. The only question I asked him was if he preferred black or white chocolate, because I just didn't want to know ANYTHING about him. Hell, I already knew enough from the way he treated me.

 

The best thing, it wasn't a one-time occurence because I was dealing with a sexual harasser and fetishist. Perhaps it stems from having studied misogyny so deeply that I know male psychology to a T, but now I never, EVER go far and beyond to fake having interest in a man. I strive not to have his approval to begin with, let alone his disgusting attention which never brings anything positive. It's something I wish for every woman.

 

Now, I don't know if I'll ever strip myself from that need to avoid hurting male feelings so that I won't be the center of their hatred and aggression. We witness male hatred every day with these smear and hate campaigns against famous women who aren't a quarter of a half of 0.1% as bad and genuinely evil as male celebrities who are allowed to live and get rich without a single consequence; but I've also experienced their irrational loathing in my own skin, and now I'm just realizing there's nothing you can do to avoid it. Men want to hate any woman, however a stranger she is to him. And if he can barely tolerate you, be it because he's attracted to you or you haven't shared opinions he thinks go against reality (because yes, all men think their opinions are the objective truth), his behavior will take a 180º the moment he's mildly upset with you for ANY reason. So, it's useless. Anything you do is useless. It's not your fault if a male hates you, it's just who he is. I mean, they created an entire fictional story where they paint themselves as the creators of life. They can't handle the truth. That's all we need to know.

 

What I'll do though, about the male issue that keeps invading my life, is not show any type of agreeable behavior anymore. I have to make him uncomfortable for violating my space, and not respecting my time. My life is not yours to mold and shape at your will.